this has been eight months..maybe nine
summer was ours fall is trying
but im learning and living
through it all
i used to believe i had to compete
being overly aggressise vying for your attention
but i breathed
i realized
i am realizing
through this 2 month cleanse
its been trying
at first it was hard
kirking out, yelling being frustrated
but i was in rehab
detoxing my body to match my soul
then as it kept going i felt better
i realized
its not lust
i used to pray to take this off my heart
if it were lust of course
exfoliate my insides
drink bleach to cleanse my soul
then i realized
it wasnt lust
it was that thing that makes ur draw a heart on ur palm
xs and os play childish games of MASH and self
but then i questioned that too
how could it be
again i became frustrated
this cant be happening
relapse
damn
i start to wish when i needed to pray
cope with blunts everyday
i realized
patience is my key
to that big wooden stained door
so im waiting
not idley of course
shifting gears
moving focus
waiting
like idk why but somethings saying its ok to wait
as long as im preoccupied
just wait
it whispers
one day our time will be
so wait
waiting
im listening to that thing
it wont lead me astray
or make me a fool
i believe so im waiting
for our next lifetime
our paths to again cross
our hands to again interlock
because this is that thing
i refuse to say in vain
that makes me draw hearts on the palm of my hand
and memories of childhood games
the cleanse had me realizing
that theres no need to compete
to shed tears through brown eyes
coated with waterproof mascara
because that thing whispers subtly in my ear
“its ok to wait J
because its more than a lustful bug
that u want to exfoilate
because this time you prayed
instead of mindlessly wishing
so listen and take heed”
im waiting for my HLF
not idley and not in vain
the cleanse.
-jpvb
