lastnight.

last night i lied with my brwnskn boy
amongst a blue sky and streetlights
we laid
many positions
windows down and a southen breeze
my head on his white tee
his chin on my head
we laid
last night i cried with my brwnskn boy
for my happiness with him
for my peace of mind without him
my tears saturating his tee
his hand wiping away each one
we laid
last night i longed for my brwnskn boy
as wrapped my arms around him
enjoying each moment
please dont go
we laid
last night with my brwnskn boy
we shared
seperated legs and kisses
emotions and great words
we laid.

thecleanse

this has been eight months..maybe nine
summer was ours fall is trying
but im learning and living
through it all
i used to believe i had to compete
being overly aggressise vying for your attention
but i breathed
i realized
i am realizing
through this 2 month cleanse
its been trying
at first it was hard
kirking out, yelling being frustrated
but i was in rehab
detoxing my body to match my soul
then as it kept going i felt better
i realized
its not lust
i used to pray to take this off my heart
if it were lust of course
exfoliate my insides
drink bleach to cleanse my soul
then i realized
it wasnt lust
it was that thing that makes ur draw a heart on ur palm
xs and os play childish games of MASH and self
but then i questioned that too
how could it be
again i became frustrated
this cant be happening
relapse
damn
i start to wish when i needed to pray
cope with blunts everyday
i realized
patience is my key
to that big wooden stained door
so im waiting
not idley of course
shifting gears
moving focus
waiting
like idk why but somethings saying its ok to wait
as long as im preoccupied
just wait
it whispers
one day our time will be
so wait
waiting
im listening to that thing
it wont lead me astray
or make me a fool
i believe so im waiting
for our next lifetime
our paths to again cross
our hands to again interlock
because this is that thing
i refuse to say in vain
that makes me draw hearts on the palm of my hand
and memories of childhood games
the cleanse had me realizing
that theres no need to compete
to shed tears through brown eyes
coated with waterproof mascara
because that thing whispers subtly in my ear
“its ok to wait J
because its more than a lustful bug
that u want to exfoilate
because this time you prayed
instead of mindlessly wishing
so listen and take heed”
im waiting for my HLF
not idley and not in vain
the cleanse.

-jpvb

mevsme

how do you bow out gracefully?
become the sacrifical sheep
but you’re doing it to keep the peace
taking the L when it should be yours to keep
trying to make a decision even though its not fair
someones gotta lose in heartbreak warfare
and what’s the big deal that you’re the loser
why get in depper and he chooses her
so keep your head and shed no tears
everythings in the open, no doubts or fears
but why are tears forming & my vision is blurred?
why can’t I breathe like an anxiety attack
you chose you and he’s choosing her
the decisions were made & no take backs
no refunds, nothing is yours to keep
you did the right thing got out before it got too deep
but I’m so confused, I’m pulling out my hair
I don’t know, how can we stay friends
I wanted it wholly, couldn’t allow myself to share
but how do I stop what began
become the sacrifical sheep
just to keep the peace
what could I possibly gain?

-jpvb

-jpvb

theunknown

let’s go…vamanos
dc to cali
coast to coast
righting & writing
which is wrong
loving and fighting
the unkown.

-jpvb

-jpvb

secondverse

\\…I’m in to you
You into me
But I can’t let it go
So easily
Not till I see
Whether this could be
eternity
Or just a week
You know our chemistry
Is off the chain
It’s perfect now
But will it change?
This ain’t a yes
This ain’t a no
Just do your thing
We’ll see how it goes…//

-jpvb

aches

my pants don’t fit

my heart aches

my tears are tired are fzlling

but they keep my eyes intact

yesterday i lied

about feelings so true

i felt the reprucussions

aches to my head; double beats from my heart

i’ll play my position until we part.

yesternight i lied

with my lightskinned friend

between ourselves

my best kept secret; the pain the pleasure

this shit won’t last forever

my heart’s aching

and my pants arent fitting

where’s the real love im supposed to be getting

guess i’ll keep playing life’s game

shit can’t stay the same

keep going until thing’s change

in Jesus’ name…

-jpvb

highupfreewrite

its raining
hard
59
69
moansighmoan
thrust
thunder
lightning
pain
rain
moansighmoan
bitegroan
thunder
c l i m a x.

-jpvb.

somethingold

Secret Lives

There were no rules or emotional ties
As we began to live this secret life
Everything was good as long as we crept “Don’t be seen, no feelings can we catch!”
The code we lived by as we played
But like always things began to change
Shit got comfortable each time we laid Emotions came and so did some tears
And with each stroke things became clear We’re starting to get way too involved
Too many complications coming from a JUMPOFF
You started to break my stride,
Cramp my steez; knock my vibe
That time came once again
We vowed that this time was the end I accepted; began to move on
3 weeks later you start ringing my phone Acting all normal; I’m acting brand new
Like, “Nigga…, who the fuck is you?!?”
But it all ended right there
Once again you got into my head
Doing what you did; saying what you said
This time there are rules and emotional ties Tears will be shed and true feelings will still hide
Once again as we began our secret lives.

m-i-s-syoumuch

yesterday I missed him.
the simple things he did.
the flowers he bought
the games we played.

i missed the bed we shared
the warmth as we laid
side by side. cuddling.

your hands gently intertwined in my coils

gently locked as we walked down the street
coupledom.

the things i hated the most
i now long for a lot.
the smell of D&G no longer lingers
only memories
good and bad.

-jpvb.

innerturmoil

giving up the knife.

ready to play

russianroulette.

-jpvb.