Posted by: jaypvbee on: June 17, 2009
So my best friend just gave me the new Chrisette Michele “Epiphany” cd. OMG!! I love it! This cd describes everything I’ve been going through. I guess that is the reason she dropped it into my lap.
Posted by: jaypvbee on: June 9, 2009

im starting to lose my mind
self, body, spirit.
i feel like im not who i once was
am, could be, or would like to be.
within the depths of my soul
i feel like i have been robbed
true happiness has been stolen
and replaced with a mask
strings attached to arms
gently moving at the puppeteer’s direction
Posted by: jaypvbee on: June 4, 2009
//…I took a swim
In the sea of guilt and misery
To find myself in an island
In the middle of nowhere
In my solitude
I asked to know the highest truth
And what I was told
Is to let own self be true…//
i never felt so down about losing friend
i feel like im going through the 7 steps of grieving a death
i wanna scream “its not fair”
but in the end i can only hate myself
mercilessly slice the wrists
with each word
fight the pain
as i plead on my knees
until they bleed
yesterday i wanted to pick up the phone
and talk to you
like old times
but i remembered
that this has been ended
communication has been severed
i really want that old thing back
my life is on the line
for this friendship
i need that old thing back
but as of now
impasse.
//…All the people in your life who’ve come and gone
They let you down, you know they hurt your pride
Better put it all behind you; cause life goes on
You keep carrin’ that anger, it’ll eat you up inside
I wanna be happily everafter
And my heart is so shattered
But I know it’s about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you don’t love me anymore…//
Posted by: jaypvbee on: May 24, 2009
home again
home again
where the cows are curbside
and the pastures grow far
the sun scorches my brown skin
the wasps run me in
but the smell keeps me going back
fresh fruit on the side of the road
bbqs and gatherings
family all together laughing
these summer days
keep me occupied
until i journey back
across the cloud
into cavity land
chocolate city
but for now
im comfortable
in my southern wonderland.
Posted by: jaypvbee on: May 7, 2009
//…The way your sweet smell
lingers when you leave a room,
Stories you tell as we lay
in bed all afternoon.
I dreamed you now every night
in my mind is where we meet.
and when I’m awake
staring at pictures of you asleep…//
in 2 days I will be departing
and the coldness in my heart
has started to defrost
how will we handle this seperation
who will be the warmth
when my anemic body is freezing
shielding me with your body
to keep me from getting cold
in 2 days my body will be on the Gulf
but a piece of me will be on the East
how do we gently seperate
from this chaotic attachment
and not know what’s next to come
if we’ll ever reunite
but as we go from here
my face free from tears
in 2 days I’l be on the Gulf
but a piece of me will be left on the East.
-jpvb
Posted by: jaypvbee on: May 3, 2009
it started off great
honeymoon stage starts to fade
emotions start to flow heavy
With no label things necome complicated
for the other party involved
texts being read while one lays asleep in the bed.
rage being up because another person interferes
back turns doors slam eyes being to bring tears
the pain placed on each’s fragile heart
knowing this is not how we planned to part
jealousy is not the trait to have
consuming your world because it brings fear
makes you crazy and insecure
jealousy cannot be a mans best friend.
-jpvb
Posted by: jaypvbee on: March 21, 2009
i believe in fate
destiny and soulmates
i believe everything happens for a reason
to break us down, build up, love harder, or stop loving
right now i believe in him
i believe in me
and somewhere in the future i believe in an us.
but my feelings are being halted
my heart is guarded
and my eyes cant take anymore
i wanna jump in with both feet
screaming fuck the world
but im hurt
scarred and buised
and with this pain i cant move
i cant let myself be hurt
and i know it wont happen
but what do i really know
i like when we’re together
because nothing is forced
everything blows like the wind
freely falling wherever it pleases
and i like it
i like the cuddling
and the wrestling
his aggressiveness
yet slight protection
deep affection
but right now it seems we’re moving fast
and we both know
that we cant rush
be too quick to touch
cause it may all just be lust
a winter fling
cuddle buddy jumpoff
bedwarmer until spring
disappear and run off
but on the flip side
i feel its real
or could be
compliments not completion
each’s upgrade
but as of now im fragile
this side up
look but dont touch
until i get myself together
there cant be more.
jpvb
Posted by: jaypvbee on: March 12, 2009
omg.
i just wanna scream.
cry,
run. hide.
making im making more of this.
overthing then getting pissed
off my rocker is what im starting to feel.
just walking im ready to break
down, down sugar im going down
and there’s noone to rescue me
but im used to this kinda treatment.
F U C K!!
this isn’t my life
not what I envisioned at 20
im supposed to be happy
i live in the city
off capmus.
single.
no kids.
so what’s the FUCKING problem?
i guess i’ll know when you do.
jpvb.
Posted by: jaypvbee on: March 12, 2009
the pain is increasing
my sanity is pleading
holding on to my last piece of reality
trying to swim in water too deep
im accepting temporary satisfaction
but hurting like fresh contractions
ready to release the pain
all while trying to stay sane
putting on my happy face
just so things dont seem displaced
crying behind this vivid smile
’suicidal thoughts’ ‘ready to die’
biggie shit banging in my ears
while i slowly release these warm tears
then my angel taps me to say,
“Januel, baby, it’ll be okay”
so i fall on my knees and begin to pray
God comforts me in everyway
wipe my eyes, swallow my pride
cut the cord and live this life.
jpvb
Posted by: jaypvbee on: March 8, 2009
All good things do come to an end. Sooner or later so where along the line lines sever,tears fall,people hurt. But in the end you learn to get over it. It seems like everyone I jhave been talking to these days have been losing a “friend”. I’ve lost a friend maybe two. And truth be told things will never be like they were because noone was honest and upfront in the beginning. Myself included. And noone wanted to express feelings outta fear of hurting emotions. But I learned through all this that its best that feelings are hurt in the beginning rather in the end when things become to close for comfort. So its over and def done. No longer am I crying over spilled milk. I did what I could and that’s all. So like Jay said “you lost one”.
jpvb